How to Deal With the Dark Side of Success

This is Day Twenty in the 30 Days of Reinvention Video Series [#30DaysReinvention].

Avoid the depressing effect of success by setting off on a meaningful quest and tackling your triggers.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey it’s Rand,

Success can come with a dark side: successful people are more prone to depression and loneliness; success can act as a depressogen, causing depression.

Why is success such a lonely place?

Once we are successful, the Expectations don’t stop. They get higher.

This is true for our expectations and for the expectations placed on us by others.

Once we are successful the stakes get higher. There can be so much more at stake: there can be so many more people reliant on our continued success.

At any given time you are only ever a heartbeat away from failure, and the press love a rise and fall story.

Subconsciously, you may see or read of others who have fallen from grace and the pressure on you mounts up.

What can you do to deal with the dark side of success?

The first thing you can do is to embark on quest-centred therapy.

Figure out something you want to achieve, for example, being at peace with yourself. And then set off on a quest to achieve your objective. As you go, mark your journey and your progress with small wins.

Each of these wins will stave off the darkness in small amounts at first, but cumulatively the process of being involved with a quest that has meaning for you will help you deal with the dark side.

Secondly, instead of avoiding the dark times, explore them by delving into your past and present. Confront the fear wrapped in those dark moments and this will lead you to the third activity – tackling your negative triggers.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that for most people would be viewed as slightly or somewhat negative, but for some reason we view them as off the charts negative.

These are your negative triggers and when they are sparked they can send you into a downward spiral of negativity that can impact your entire life.

By exploring your dark side you become more aware of these triggers and  what sparks them off. Your aim should be to tackle them  as early as possible. Preferably before they start having an impact.

How to Find Your Trajectory Trigger

This is Day Nineteen in the 30 Days of Reinvention Video Series [#30DaysReinvention].

Boost yourself onto a higher growth trajectory.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey it’s Rand,

If things don’t work out for whatever reason, you have failed only if you don’t try again.

In your journey as a leader, you can expect to lower case fail many times

An upper case Fail would take place were you to check out, completely.

And so I’d argue there is Universal Failure Rule which states you will never Fail if you never give up.

You choose which side of the fine line you find yourself on – success or failure – by your courage in the face of both adversity and uncertainty and also how you choose to visualise yourself.

Do you see yourself succeeding or failing?

What factors determine which side of this fence you are on?

What if you removed those factors?

What if you reversed them?

  • I don’t have the skills
  • I have the skills
  • I don’t have the resources
  • I have abundant resources

Removed or reversed, would you still see yourself the same way?

Sometimes no matter what you do, you feel stuck: you feel like you are stagnating.

What can you do that will trigger an increase in velocity?

What can you do that will boost you on to a higher growth trajectory?

Your ego may want you to stay on your current path, but your soul has work to do.

Listen, carefully, for that quiet inner voice. It will identify what your trajectory trigger is.

That event which will empower you to step up to a whole new level.

It is no easy task to identify this trigger, but one trick is to do a little reverse engineering

What difference can you make in the world?

That would be a clear message that you are on a higher path?

Find that and it may point out what your trigger is.

How to Unleash Your Potential

Think about this for a moment. When we are young we dream impossible dreams, but as we get older these can be all but knocked out of us:  perhaps by societally induced constraints; perhaps by our parents’ ambitions for us, perhaps by our peer group’s limiting beliefs, perhaps by our inherited dogma, or perhaps by our upbringing.

You know the score: as we hit failures, feel pushed outside our comfort zone, and get older, we start to develop a series of self-limitations that can hold us back from using even more.

Sadly, we might believe we’ve missed the boat, that we’re not capable enough, or don’t have the right personality or social set to attain success.

Don’t worry. There’s a solution. The good news is that we are all born with the powers we need to achieve our absolute potential.

What if I could show you how to be fierce and harness your super powers to reinvent your life, and through them, achieve your absolute potential, as if born again, without constraints?

Would you be in?

Let me lead you through my new book, Fierce Reinvention: A Guide to Harnessing Your Superpowers for Entrepreneurial and Leadership Success ($11.99 digital, $15.99 print (USD), October 2017), which is available from Amazon.

How to Punch Through Failure

This is Day Eighteen in the 30 Days of Reinvention Video Series [#30DaysReinvention].

Adopt behaviors that make failure a learning exercise.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey it’s Rand,

Don’t let fear prevent you from doing what you need to do to have an impact.

One of our biggest fears is the fear of failure. You need to comfortably face this fear and there are behaviours you should adopt to help you punch through failure.

Firstly, fail fast and succeed slow.

Don’t be afraid to experiment. Most successful leaders failed  multiple time before they had a success.

Robert Kiyosaki says, “Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.”

Secondly, succeed and then fail.

A big success can hold us to a high bar of what success is. This can make us less open to failure. Put your ego aside, lower your benchmarks and be prepared to fail before your next success.

This will relieve the pressure, and allow you to iterate more with more chance of magic happening.

Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal.”

Thirdly, get into failure flow.

Be mindful of failure, because failing without learning is a wasteful exercise.

Try to be aware of what is happening as a project fails. If you are in failure flow you will see the elements that lead to failure as if in slow motion.

Henry Ford said, “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”

Fourthly, only fail when you cannot succeed.

Let’s face it, failure sucks. It sets you back. It impacts the lives of people who believe in you. It impacts the lives of people who rely on you.

Have grit and persistence  and don’t choose failure as an easy way out when the going gets tough.

Fifthly, fail resiliently.

Get up, take the hit and move forward.

When you fail and I hope you will, how do you treat it?

Yep, your heard right: I want you to fail; I want you to fail often!

Why?

Because every failure brings you one step closer to success.

How you deal with each failure, big or small, determines whether you will succeed.

CS Lewis said, Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”

Want to Know the Secret to Avoiding Failure, Forever?

Want to learn how to never fail, ever again?

Do you want to learn the overarching or universal rule to never failing?

It all comes back to how we define failure and what we do when faced with a setback.

Deep down you know this is true: if things don’t work out, for whatever reason, we have failed only if we do not try again. And, sadly, sometimes things don’t work out multiple times in a row.

But boom! All it takes is for us to succeed once and we are seen as a success.

It’s simple. The universal rule to never failing is NEVER GIVE UP!

It really is that simple. As I discuss in my book, Fierce Reinvention, I define failure with a capital “F.” In our journey as leaders we can expect to lowercase fail many times. An uppercase Fail
would take place were we to check out, completely.

For many people the fear of failure holds them back from doing things. At best
such fear is self-limiting, at worst it can be debilitating. And that’s just sad.

What it all boils down to is that we don’t know why we are here, on Earth, but it’s not just to make money or have fun; we are all on rickety little boats that are motoring across the narrow expanse of time that is our lifespan; if we want to be successful then we’ve got to leave a wake behind us; if we take life too slow and steady we don’t create a wake and then what’s the point.

So what’s the answer? The secret to success is the realization that failure isn’t a big deal.

Unfortunately, we tend to get entangled in what we should and shouldn’t do. When we unravel this we formulate constraints on what can and can’t be done. They appear fact-like,
yet they are far from it. They only amount to conversations that we have in our
heads. The challenge is that we are having these conversations at such a rate that they seem to crystallize into facts.

But the silver lining is that as long as the solidifying conversations are driven by
positive, motivating thoughts then they are not a bad thing. It’s when we view fear-induced inner conversations as fact that we limit ourselves.

Be warned that without training and mindfully creating a different set of thoughts we can easily default to that negative conversation.

The truth is that we need to do all we can to banish negative thoughts; we need to do all we can to banish fear and focus on having a positive conversation in our heads. It seems overly simplistic but the cool thing is that we can change reality through the power of what we say to ourselves: as ourpositive thoughts and conversations crystallize into facts, we change reality by having these positive facts guide us, instead of the fearful ones.

You start by imagining a yes when you were expecting a no; you start by acting confident when youfeel nervous; and wham! You can reinvent yourself and become the person you want to be.

Here’s the secret: act like the person you want to be and success will triumph over failure. Remember that success and failure are far from random; they live within the very DNA of our
character and personality; they are expressed through our thoughts and actions.

All in all, we choose which side of the fine line we find ourselves on—success or
failure—by our courage in the face of both adversity and uncertainty and
also how we choose to visualize ourselves.

My new book, Fierce Reinvention: A Guide to Harnessing Your Superpowers for Entrepreneurial and Leadership Success ($11.99 digital, $15.99 print (USD), October 2017) is available from Amazon.

How to Behave Successfully in the Face of Failure

This is Day Seventeen in the 30 Days of Reinvention Video Series [#30DaysReinvention].

Surround yourself with failure and embrace it.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey it’s Rand,

Success and failure are far from random.

They live within the DNA of our character and personality.

Success and failure are expressed through our thoughts and actions.

Both success and failure are subjective and depend a lot on  your mindset, your expectations and whether you react positively or negatively to a situation you are presented with.

How does your society define success?

How does your society define failure?

Does your personal definition of success and failure differ from that of your society?

Do you view disappointment as a natural part of expansion?

When you fall short recognise this not as failure, but as an integral part of the cycle and journey to success.

Disappointment is an inevitability if you are courageous enough to moonshot.

When you do fail, make sure you get back on the horse and keep riding.

Success with failure comes down to how you behave in the face of failure.

Failures are a form of feedback. They are never total failures because they show you what you shouldn’t do and what you should do better.

When you fail the first thing you should do is: Celebrate, because you are one step closer to understanding what works and what doesn’t.

And then the second thing you should do is systematise what you do with failures. Create a way of extracting the key learnings from ongoing failures so that they bring you closer and closer to success.

Failure may not be what you wake up every day hoping for, but successful leaders surround themselves with failure and embrace it.

 

How to be Bolder in Your Goal Setting

This is Day Sixteen in the 30 Days of Reinvention Video Series [#30DaysReinvention].

Get both bolder and more granular with your goals.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey it’s Rand,

Goals are never set in stone.

With that in mind, I want to dive deeper into your Goal of Consequence.

What would complete reinvention mean to you?

What do you fear the most about completely reinventing yourself?

What steps could you take right now to irreversibly start you on the process of reinventing yourself?

You may need to pause me and have a hard think about this.

Go for a walk or a run, get yourself into flow and let the thoughts flood in.

I’ll see you on the other side.

Welcome back.

So you’ve reset your goal.

Say your new goal out loud.

Do you feel comfortable?

It’s time to make yourself uncomfortable!

What if you were 10 times bolder in your thinking?

What if your goal was 10 times more consequential?

Ratchet that up again: what if you were 100 times bolder in your thinking?

What if your goal was 100 times more consequential?

When you are thinking on this, don’t forget your body.

Does your breathing shift?

Are you leaning forward?

Does your heart rate go up just thinking about it?

If your answer is a resounding “Yes!”

Then lock this in as your true Goal of Consequence.

I want to now get a bit more granular around your goal.

How many people do you want to inspire, with your goal?

And by when?

What kind of behaviour do you want to change or motivate through your inspiration?

What is the transformation you expect in those you inspire?

What would the outcome be for the world when you achieve your goal?

In my book Fierce Reinvention I’ve set out a complete Fierce Operation System that can help you map and monitor your progress in achieving your goals of consequence.

With that in mind let me ask:

What objectives can you set for the next year and for this quarter that will progress you towards achieving your goal?

For each objective, what are the key results that need to happen?

Be both quantitative and bold in determining these key results.

Can you get even more granular? What needs to happen weekly?

And what blocks of activity need to happen on a daily basis to achieve each key result?

Are you afraid of having difficult, confronting conversations?

Picture the scene: you need to confront a colleague, a loved one or a friend about something they’ve done or not done. But you are afraid that the conversation will go badly. They will deny, they will overreact, they will shift the blame to you. And so instead you deny, ignore, and obfuscate that they ever did or didn’t do that for which you need to confront them.

Get this: one of the biggest fears we often encounter as leaders is about having difficult
conversations.

Astonishing, isn’t it? Perhaps it is due to us having an inbuilt, culturally amplified tendency
to want to avoid conflict. Perhaps it is due to us wanting to avoid those conversations with others, and ourselves, that may be difficult, and in which we may well encounter aggression.

But here’s the thing: when we confront our fears head on—and not displace them onto others through blame, or other avoidance mechanisms—it is easier to be honest.

Think about your interactions over the last few years. Now ask yourself the question: How many fierce conversations can I recall?

The point? For most people, fierce conversations are quite rare.

And what’s worse? We’re often not comfortable with revealing our real selves; we’re often not comfortable revealing our true thoughts in a social or business setting.

The cool thing, though, is that when we come out from behind the mask and speak with honesty and compassion, then we stop fearing difficult conversations.

And even better: this in turn makes it easier for others to be honest with us too.

The end result is the beginning of a more honest dialogue.

So, it all adds up to this, every time you feel that you are being guarded in your behavior, be mindful that this is tantamount to failure. By being overly careful you are postponing the behavior and the
conversation that wants and needs to be taking place.

It’s simple, don’t overthink it. Ask yourself:

• What am I avoiding saying that needs to be said?
• What conversations am I keeping bottled up inside?

To sum up, by having fierce conversations you release any tension that has been rising and you free yourself of the build-up of both emotional and physical toxins.

Find out more about being fierce in my new book, Fierce Reinvention: A Guide to Harnessing Your Superpowers for Entrepreneurial and Leadership Success ($11.99 digital, $15.99 print (USD), October 2017) is available from Amazon and other leading online bookstores.

How to Improve Your Fuel Friction Differential

This is Day Fourteen in the 30 Days of Reinvention Video Series [#30DaysReinvention].

Increase your growth velocity through the optimal mix of fuel and friction.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey, it’s Rand

Growth is determined by your mix of fuel versus friction.

The higher your fuel friction differential, the higher your growth velocity.

Let me repeat that:

The higher your fuel friction differential, the higher your growth velocity.

Take talent as an example.

It is an essential area that leaders must focus on in order to generate growth.

Attracting and retaining top talent is a tough thing to do, but you can optimise for this by using the fuel friction differential.

On the fuel side of this equation, the better your ability to attract top talent as fuel, the less you will require process and micro management. By the same token, the more mired you are with process the less likely you will able to retain top talent.

Top talent is a magnet for other top talent, fuelling growth.

On the friction side of the equation, if you are too process heavy and your systems and organization is too bureaucratic, you will have too many frictions for top talent to either want to work with you or stay on board your team.

The good news is that you can iteratively improve the fuel friction differential.

Firstly, either with your entire team, or if you run a larger business, then with your executive team:

For step one, in a weekly session, throw up on a board all the factors that are holding you back and the opportunities your team has to push forward.

In step two, quickly diagnose the current balance of fuel friction forces, then rank each item by its impact and ease of execution.

Give priority to the high-impact, low-difficulty items first.

Spend the next week addressing these forces.

As the fuel friction equation improves you will be set to grow faster.

Thirdly, repeat this process, regularly.

I suggest that the frequency of these meetings should depend on how much growth is a part of your mission critical priorities.

How to Break Free From Constraints

This is Day Thirteen in the 30 Days of Reinvention Video Series [#30DaysReinvention].

Become more mindful of unnecessary frictions.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hey it’s Rand,

The more fuel you have the greater ability you have to break through inertial constraints, the greater ability you have to overcome roadblocks that can hold you back.

Let’s run through a few question and answer sets to illustrate how this works. You can answer for yourself or for your business.

Do you embrace failure?

Are you A – Failure is never considered a viable option, and I do not encourage a culture of questioning.

Are you B – My culture encourages orthogonal thinking, taking risks, and failure is expected, but this is more talk than walk.

Are you C -My culture encourages orthogonal, out of the box thinking, taking risks, and failure is expected, but this practice is sandboxed to limited groups within my team.

Or finally, are you D – My culture encourages orthogonal thinking, taking risks and failure in all parts of my team.

Here’s another one:

Are your decisions data-driven?

Are you A – I don’t use any machine learning or deep-learning algorithms to make decisions.

Are you B – I use some reporting systems to collate and analyse some data, but decisions don’t hinge on this.

Are you C – Actionable decision-making is driven by the analysis of complex learning algorithms.

Or are you D – I have integrated complex learning algorithms into my activities.

Are you starting to get it yet?

Let’s try another one.

Do you have a mission or meta-purpose?

Are you A – My mission is purely profit-oriented, and based on generating superior products and services.

Are you B – My mission is profit-oriented, and based on generating superior products and services, and also includes a set of core organisational values.

Are you C – My mission is to make a difference for my entire ecosystem of people, be they part of my team, partners or suppliers.

Or are you D – My meta-purpose is to make a difference for the entire planet.

Examples of such a meta-purpose are:

  • Increasing world empathy
  • Organising the world’s information.

How do you rate on this scale?

What is your mission?

What is your meta-purpose?

Let me change tack with another question:

How asset intensive are you?

Are you A – Except for a small number of peripherals, such as printers, all of the assets I use are owned by me.

Are you B – I make use of a limited number of on-demand services, such as cloud computing.

Are you C – On-demand assets and services are used in a number of my activities, such as leasing office space.

Or are you D – On-demand assets and services are used in many of my activities, including mission-critical activities.

Where are you on this spectrum?

Would you consider A to be higher friction than D?

Hopefully you are starting to see a pattern here as I’ve purposefully arranged the answers so that they range from high to low friction: A is higher friction than B; B is higher friction than C; and C is higher friction than D.

Apply this thinking to all of your activities and become more mindful of how many  unnecessary frictions there are that can be removed.